I'm pretty up-front about my political (and other) opinions. Usually this is not a problem; most folks on the Internet tend to be forthright, and people learn to live with it and tolerate each other. I've received some eloquent mail from people of sharply differing views on various subjects over the years. But they're not what this page is about.
I also receive hate mail, usually about my Web pages, and usually about my liberal opinions. These usually arrive out-of-the-blue, and seem to involve a short rant about how liberals 'make them sick', are 'ruining the country', or how I'm hopelessly outdated and liberalism is dead. These letters often seem to be full of spelling errors, and possessed of grammatical constructs that would make high school English teachers give up in disgust. (To be fair, not all of these missives are 'hate' mail as such; some of them are simply efforts to be sarcastic and/or superior which have some amusing quality to them.)
For your (and my) amusement, this page will collect some letters I've found especially entertaining in this vein, unedited. (Okay, I do edit out the names and addresses of the senders. They should be embarrassed enough just for sending me this stuff.)
Ooh, boy; I guess I'm supposed to be scared because he insulted Bill Gates!
Date: Wed, 16 Apr 1997 04:23:56 -0400
From: R---- M----- <----@-------.--------.--->
Subject: liberal puuke
Left wing leaning stinking pincko. My country is having problems because of people
like you. As far as I'm concerned, people like franken need to stand down range of
my bullets. traitor seditious scumbag. By the way, bill gates sucks.
I love being called an idiot by someone who accuses me of being a name-caller. What hypocrisy!
From: "K---- T-----" <--------@worldnet.att.net>
Date: Wed, 12 Nov 1997 19:20:09 -0500
You are a big fat idiot! All liberals are the same, namecalling, lieing, cheating
idiots. Just like your leader slick Willie.
Why do the "intelligent majority American people" always seem unable to form correct sentences, and seem completely unable to release the CAPS LOCK key on their computer? Any when will this guy realize that the media are largely controlled by conservative forces - big business - and haven't given much of an ear to liberals in decades?
From: R----- <------@aol.com>
Date: Fri, 26 Dec 1997 14:03:03 EST
RUSH IS THE SOURCE OF TRUE KNOWLEDGE NOT YOUR "LIBERAL MEDIA" CONTROLLED BY
THE CLINTON PUPPETS LIKE YOU. YOU PEOPLE ARE JUST JEALOUS OF HIS FAME AND
INFLUENCE AMONG THE INTELLIGENT MAJORITY AMERICAN PEOPLE.
Of course, anyone who had read the book would know that Franken is satirizing the maniac right wing's tendency to blow up and "heap abuse" on everyone they don't agree with. Don't you love people who respond without reading the book?
From: "B---- F-----" <---@------.net>
Date: Wed, 11 Feb 1998 21:01:08 -0600
Subject: Rush Limbaugh
Just a few short words. I've seen your book review, too bad somebody gave
you and (ME) Al Franken a typewriter....I havn't read the book and don't
intend to. WHY? Because the title says it all!...Liberals, or socialists
as I prefer to call them have no recourse to answer the truth, but by the
use of hatred and verbal abuse.....I've noticed that the only counter to a
fact is to heap abuse on the accuser.(kind of sounds like what the Clinton
legal team is doing to Ken Star.....dosn't it).....900 FBI files? . I once
was a yellow dog democrat, but the abuses that have been uncovered...(10
pleas of guilty, 3 convictions...the MOST by any prosecuter) has turned me
away from the party. Further, the techniques of defense used by the dems
has left a foul taste in my mouth for even have been associated with the
likes. You see I'm an honest man of good moral character, and here in
Texas a liar is still a liar.
Wipe the cloud of emotion out of your eyes, and look.
Of course, this assumes that there's a heaven at all, and that we won't all end up as worm food and nothing more.
From: "E----- A. H----" <--------------@mindspring.com>
Date: Sat, 07 Mar 1998 00:23:51 -0500
Subject: Al Franken is just another God-hater who will wind up in hell
like all liberals.
The nicest thing about heaven will be that there will be no liberals there.
We won't have to listen to them whining about how all the degenerates and
perverts of the universe are being mistreated by being allowed to
experience the consequences of their evil behavior. We won't have to hear
them plead for us to give up our hard earned dollars to keep crackheads and
other degenerates in dope in the name of fairness and kindness. We won't
have to listen to them try to teach that evil is good and good is evil,
that obedience to God's law is hatred and antinomianism (lawlessness for
those of you in Rio Linda) is loving. We won't have to listen to them
dishonor the laws and the name of the God who gives them every breath of
life they take. We won't have to put up with Al Franken, Jesse Jackson,
Robert Schuller, any of the Kennedys, Al Shaprpton and the San Francisco
chapter of Dykes on Bikes (better known as the NOW gang).
The Bible makes it very clear that only those who keep the law of God will
be in heaven with Him. What a relief that someday we won't have to hear
these people anymore!!!!!
But I like to think that those of us who are fair and kind and open-minded and forward-dreaming (in other words, liberal) are a little bit closer to God and a little more worthy of getting into heaven.
Funny, the correct spellings are "Franken" and "Limbaugh" (both of which he misspells twice, once in the Subject: line, and once in the body of the letter). Maybe Rush's 20 million aren't as strong as they think they are.
From: "r----- w-----" <----@---.net>
Subject: Al Frankin's Rush Linbaugh
Date: Thu, 9 Jul 1998 20:32:23 -0700
Came accross your page on Al frankin's book about Rush Linbaugh.
Funny, This book can now be bought for 99cents at the 99 cent store. Frankin's
TV show has been cancelled but Linbaugh is still 20 million strong.
This one isn't about my political views, but was pretty amusing anyway:
I love getting mail like this. Other than being basically a big opinion all by itself, I was also amused by the author's lack-of-context about him (or her)self, instead hiding behind a fairly anonymous AOL address. Oh, and comments about "anyone with any intellect whatsoever" are always quite entertaining, too.
Date: Sat, 19 Sep 1998 21:45:07 EDT
I read the review of Cerebus and you proved Sim's point about this being a
feminine age. Your review states very little fact about Cerebus, but is
brimming with opinion. You could have saved yourself a lot of time by just
writing "I don't like Sim anymore, but I did like Jaka's Story. How sad I am"
since that is all you said anyway. Something you need to learn about
journalism-- anyone with any intellect whatsoever will read a review for the
purpose of gathering enough data themselves to decide whether or not they want
to read it. In short, no one really cares to read about your whiney little
opinion of anything.
This one basically speaks for itself:
I knew there was a reason I don't live in Texas.
From: "--- ---------" <-------@waymark.net>
Subject: Hate Mail,,,
Date: Sun, 11 Oct 1998 00:01:51 -0500
I hate Democrats! Sent a letter to an hispanic neighbor over a property dispute
in 1994. Since then, I have been tortured in criminal court, then civil court and
now in bankruptcy court (2 chapters). I was the sacrificial lamb of the 90's and
Attorney General Dan Morales was my slave Lord (also Hispanic). They claim my
letters were sent out of racism against fuckin' Mexicans! They got the TX
Commission on Human Rights to sue me, and there was countless press releases
claiming me to be a white racist guilty of 'hate mail'. Well, now I am a Racist!
Why don't white Democrats understand what they are doing? They are torturing
their own race out of guilt over their own racism, and allowing "minorities",
Hahahaha (like they still are outnumbered), to be the only humans left with any
rights! Fuck all Niggers...Fuck all Mexicans...Heil Hitler!! (He had the right
Idea, just the wrong people)...And Fuck All Democrats!!!
In case you're wondering what he's taking about (and I wouldn't blame you), the sentence in question at the top of this page had a typo: "These letter [sic] often seem to be full of spelling errors". But in my opinion it's one thing to have the odd typo here and there, and another to demonstrate a pattern of inability to spell (or even to use a spelling checker) as some of the letters I receive demonstrate.
From: "K----- W----" <-----@sprynet.com>
Subject: dum fuk
Date: Fri, 16 Oct 1998 19:19:31 -0400
Hey Mr. Brilliant Shithead:
Speaking of grammatical errors, How about the second paragraph, third sentence of
your intro? You can't even get subject verb agreement correct!
What a fucking idiot!
Hey, it's another letter from yet another intellect-challenged AOL drone! Life just ain't complete without 'em!
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1999 11:25:47 EST
When i started reading some of the crap on this page, I was asking myself
"did a fudgpacking homo create this page" and then your picture appeared and
my question was answered. what a great place America would be without Crack
Heads, Welfare scum, Homeless scum, Perverts, liars and queers like you in it.
I guess this next one doesn't quite count as political hate mail, but...:
He's complaining about my review of the comic book series Cerebus, which I felt devolved into a mysogynistic muddle a few years ago. To be fair, some people do dispute whether creator Dave Sim is in fact being mysogynist in the comic, but it's close enough for me.
Date: Wed, 13 Oct 1999 08:06:11 EDT
Subject: Most Holy
After viewing your web site, I am not surpsied an idiot such as yourself
would give up on a great work like Cerebus.
My response to this bozo was, "Well, then it's a good thing that us liberals gave this nation the right of
free expression, or you conservatives would have no way to express your opinions."
From: "r----" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Subject: big fat idiot
Date: Sun, 12 Dec 1999 08:37:17 -0800
you liberal idiots all want one thing...BIGGER government....you, in my
opinion sir, are a BIG, FAT idiot!!!!!
Not all of the hate mail I receive is political. I found this response to my book reviews page especially amusing since I love science fiction, and I think that comes across in some of my reviews. Presumably I slighted some book he liked.
From: "J-- S-------" <---@bravenewsoftware.com>
Subject: you have a very boring review style
Date: Mon, 27 Dec 1999 18:30:19 -0800
I am so sorry I tripped over your review site. Your reviews of science
fiction are predictable. Maybe you should concentrate on reading a genre
you actually like. Not sure what that might be, perhaps fantasy, gothic
romance, or something else.. I know! Piers Anthony's Xanth schlock!
Another stirringly eloquent observation. Y'know, I often wonder what people who send me mail like this are trying to accomplish.
From: H----- M------- <------@earthlink.net>
Subject: Oh Please!
Date: Fri, 30 Jun 2000 16:38:35 -0700
Al Franken supports a jerk hypocrite like Bill Clinton and you say
conservatives are full of lies and misdirection. BS!
It's been a couple of years since I last received dunderheaded e-mail from someone about anything political on my Web site. It's not like fewer people are reading my site... quite the opposite! I suspect most people have figured out that sending irate letters to me about (for instance) my book reviews of Michael Moore and Al Franken really doesn't accomplish anything. I wonder what this guy's excuse is?
Subject: Your Review of Downsize This
Date: Sat, 23 Feb 2002 12:12:50 -0600
Al Franken and Michael Moore are a couple of BIG FAT Socialist IDIOTS.
I can't believe you'd be entertained by the mindless Franken or spend
the money on a book by a communist sympathizer.
We really don't want to know about anything these spoiled little brats
have to say.
Oh, well. At least he can spell (and use the Shift key!), even if he seems to lack a purpose.
God bless conservatives. The world would be a much less ridiculous place without them.
Something about this letter moved me to send a quick reply (possibly the incongruity that I was "waisting" his time despite the fact that on the Web you have to actively seek out and read articles on your own, so it wasn't me who was "waisting" his time). I wrote:
From: "M-- W---" <---email@example.com>
Subject: oh really
Date: Tue, 19 Mar 2002 11:03:28 -0500
One comment on your reply to a webpage you posted you thoughts about
Conservatives waising energy fighting abortion. Well buddy you are waisting
my precious time making statments like that so why don't you try thinking
about abortion a little harder and see how you would like the law the lie.
Thanks for your time later dude
And he replied:
From rawdon Tue Mar 19 09:53:41 2002
Subject: Re: oh really
To: ---firstname.lastname@example.org (M-- W---)
Date: Tue, 19 Mar 2002 09:53:41 -0800 (PST)
No problem. Always happy to waste the time of another spelling-challenged
It's nice to see (if this guy is any example) that conservatives have little interest in doing even the little things that make one look competent or mature, like demonstrating basic spelling skills. It's also entertaining to see how he refuses to take responsibility for his own shortcomings but blames it on a "Liberal Teacher" (mysteriously capitalized). Sort of like Reagan and the Bushes whining about how their scandal- and incompetence-riddled Presidencies are all the fault of the liberal media (even though the media are by-and-large conservative).
From: "M-- W---" <---email@example.com>
Subject: Re: oh really
Date: Tue, 19 Mar 2002 13:16:03 -0500
If you only new how old I am, then you might know why I don't care if I make
any spelling errors. I didn't no this was a spelling contest but I see you
still have little to say, all to common for Liberals to try to change the
subject. The topic was on abortion and the statement about conservatives
wasting energy to fight abortion. Well, I was not trying to pick fun at you
just, making a statement about what you said and how I disagree. If there
was an overpopulation in this world, it would be an overpopulation of ill
informed, uneducated people governing my life. Abortion is a choice made by
somebody else not the life at stake, I'm not sure what you exact opinion is
on this matter but I guess it's close to the exact opposite.
PS. Sorry about being spelling challenged I was taught by a Liberal
TTFN. I might now be picking fun at you
Hmm, I'm not as funny or clever as I think, but apparently I'm clever enough to make her want to write to me. Okay, I responded to this one, too:
Date: Tue, 23 Apr 2002 16:39:49 -0700
From: N---- Family <------@prodigy.net>
Subject: his name is George
You are not as clever or as funny as you might think. We will see who
wins the next election. Better get someone besides Gore if you want to
win. A "W" woman
And she replied:
Subject: Re: his name is George
To: ------@prodigy.net (N---- Family)
Date: Tue, 23 Apr 2002 17:10:04 -0700 (PDT)
>You are not as clever or as funny as you might think.
My legion of screaming fans say otherwise.
>We will see who wins the next election. Better get someone besides Gore if
>you want to win.
I agree. Gore's way too conservative to be a good President.
>A "W" woman
Yeah, those stuttering, consciousness-impaired flunkies of big business really
get the girls.
Her buddy reads her e-mails on his radio program? I wonder if this is supposed to mean something to me. (Mike who?) Oh, well. I'm sure she feels better backing someone with Bush's apparent history of drug use. It's not clear to me why she has to point out that she has a brain, either. Does she feel insecure about such things?
Date: Tue, 23 Apr 2002 17:25:34 -0700
From: N---- Family <------@prodigy.net>
Subject: Re: his name is George
You can't have legions of screaming fans because you actually have time to write
back. Of course my buddy Mike Gallagher reads my e-mails on his radio program.
But Liberal Idiot Molly Ivins doesn't have the time to write back. And she knows
I'm right. I don't apologize for backing someone who stays above the desk instead
of having young girls below. Still a "W" woman with a brain thank you very much.
Only the liberals have to resort to insults to make a point.
This e-mail clearly came from a public account, so I left the address intact. I wonder what the school thinks of this e-mail? Maybe I'll e-mail their postmaster. Ah, and this is yet another person who feels like I'm forcing my opinions on them despite the fact that they have to decide to read my journal themselves. It's all "blame anyone but myself" with these people.
Date: Tue, 07 May 2002 10:13:52 -0600
From: Dodson Public Schools <firstname.lastname@example.org>
what is your problem you freak. I mean who in the fuck puts there faggy
ass diary on the internet. What kind of grown man likes cats? Get a dog
or some shit. By the way macintosh sucks a chubby. How bout you keep
you stupid ass stories to your self
hits since 6 August 1999.