Goddamn.

I haven't weighed myself in quite some time. I felt like I'd gained a little bit of weight since I started rehearsals for the show, but when I stepped on the scale in the company gym today, I was floored.

215 pounds!

I may weep.

Even though I forget this fact quite often, I'm a tall guy. 6 feet is still above-average, even though it seems to me that everybody is just about the same height. At my height, 215 shouldn't be too difficult to carry off, but I don't carry weight very well. It distributes itself badly, and I generally end up with a face that's disappeared behind a couple of chins if I've even gone 10 pounds over what I consider acceptable (185, in case you're interested).

This time 'round, my face hasn't filled out the way it usually does, so I haven't noticed the weight increase. I can still run 5-6 miles without getting winded at all, so I don't think that I'm in terrible shape, just not taking care of myself the way that I should.

When I got back to my desk after running today, I took stock of my daily intake. I know that I eat a lot of empty calories, but when I add them all up, it's truly stunning that I'm not completely spherical.

Soda is the worst offender in that respect. The machines at work dispense large bottles instead of cans, and I don't notice that I've had two or three large bottles of Coke in a day. Considering that each is a couple of servings at least, and the serving size translates into 100 or 120 calories, I basically take in a whole day's worth of calories just by drinking sugared soda.

I also have a massive sweet tooth, and I visit the vending machines a couple of times a day. When I'm trying to be "good," I'll buy Wheat Thins, which are still chock-full of fat and do nothing for me, nutritionally.

Lunches consist of whatever I can get at the mall's food court or some other form of fast food. I can't remember the last time I brought my lunch to work. The choices I make for lunch are possibly even worse than drinking all that soda and eating snacks, since what should be fuel for the day is usually just a lump of fat and processed carbohydrates. (Not that I'm jumping on the low-carb bandwagon...I think it works to reduce weight, but it's not the best long-term strategy for me.)

When I have dinner with Mom, it's usually heavy on the meat and starch and low on the veggies.

And then comes the snack-fest that is television watching and writing afterwards. Ice cream, chips, more soda, chocolate...

I'm amazed that I can roll myself out of bed in the morning.

Obviously, this must change. I have exactly one month before my train leaves for Austin, and then I go to Cancun. Considering that Greg last saw me when I was wearing pants two sizes smaller than what I wear now (I fool myself into thinking that they're "more comfortable" rather than "what will fit my fat gut") and actively wore tight t-shirts to show off my torso, I think he's going to be in for a bit of a letdown when I meet him at the platform.

And then there's the Usual Suspects gathering directly after that. I should be a sight on the beach; a pale, blobby creature lumbering across the sand. I'm not jolly enough to pull off the hearty big guy role, and too self conscious to just say "screw it" and let it all hang out.

Nope, this calls for drastic measures.

Don't worry; I'm the world's least likely candidate for anorexia, and the idea of a fast fills me with terror. I am, however, cutting my calorie intake dramatically and changing the way I approach my eating day.

First off; no more sugared sodas. Period. I know I can't get through a day without some sort of carbonated beverage, so diet something will have to do. I don't like Diet Coke or Diet Pepsi (though Diet Coke with Lime is almost acceptable), so I'm stocking up on diet root beer (IBC makes the best), Diet Mountain Dew and Diet Dr. Pepper.

Mostly what I'll be drinking is water. I've totally fallen out of the habit of drinking lots of water, and that's changing immediately. I have a big bottle that I used to keep on my desk, and that's going to make a return.

I also have to bring a lot of small meals with me. Rather than snacking on crap that does me no good, I've bought vegetables and a no-calorie dip I remember liking, some fruit, and soy crisps. Lunch will most likely be some sort of protein with a salad (tuna is very easy to throw on top of a salad), and I'm going to have to let Mom know that dinners for me won't include French fries anymore.

I can lose weight pretty quickly when I put my mind to it, though the fact that I'm older now makes me a bit nervous. Losing weight at 33 is a little bit easier than at 36, so I have to make sure that I get into the habit of eating in such a way that I'm satisfied, so that I'm not tempted to cheat.

Nothing comes without some sort of a challenge, and I'm facing some big weight-loss challenges right now. Tomorrow is the Morale Committee's next event, which just happens to be a make-your-own-sundae party. I have no self-control when it comes to ice cream, but I'll try to be strong.

Friday at work, there's some sort of chocolate tasting event going on. We've received a number of e-mails about it, as well as posters everywhere. I'm just going to have to lock myself in my office for the hour or two that event is being held.

And just to make things even more interesting, this is the final weekend of my show. The cast has gotten into the habit of going out after shows, and the places we go aren't really known for their healthy food choices. Jude manages to find something decent (since she's vegan, most of her food choices are healthy), so I may wind up with the plate of steamed broccoli in front of me, or a salad. So sad.

No sadder than realizing that the larger-sized pants that used to swim around my waist now don't really need a belt.

I can do this. I know I can.

I think I'll go brush my teeth before I think too hard about the fact that there's still chocolate sauce in the fridge.

Inspiration in the form of a truly hideous photo of me. I think it's fitting that the little bathroom's walls are stripped of wallpaper; it gives an even more horrifying backdrop to my enormity.

Consider this a "before" shot.