January 11, 2005 Planning Ahead I feel like I've graduated or something today. Jane and I came to an agreement that I would cut my sessions with her down to every other week, rather than every week. We talked about it last week, and I thought about it, and now I know that I can handle the stresses of everyday life without the need for weekly sessions. We talked a lot about the progress I had made, and am continuing to make, and I'm very happy with the way things have turned out. After May, we're going to review how I'm doing and she'll cut back to 1 session per month, just as a check-in. I know people who have been in therapy for years, and I'm sure they get a lot out of it, but I'm really glad that I'm not going to be one of them. I needed the right combination of therapy and medication to get me back on-track, but now that I am heading in the right direction, I feel like I can break away from the therapy. I also saw Dr. B today, and the next time we meet, we're going to start reducing the dosage of my daily Klonopin. Right now, I take it at night and during the daytime, and he thinks I'd do just fine without it during the day, because I'm already taking Zoloft. We'll see. I'm a bit wary, because I feel very "normal" right now, and I don't want to rock the boat and undo anything that I've accomplished so far. But he's assured me that if I show signs of slipping, I'm free to go back on what I'm currently taking. Just goes to show that making sure you have the right people in the right place at the right time sometimes works out. I got an audition notice today for a production of Three Days of Rain, a play that I absolutely love. I've wanted to play the roles of Walker/Ned (the main character in the first act, and his father in the second act). I desperately wanted to audition for this, but there's no way with my current work schedule that I'm going to be able to swing it. It would mean taking a month off Friday nights, leaving early every Saturday, and taking off two Sunday shifts. Not to mention what the rehearsal schedule would be (it would probably include Monday nights, which I could technically make, but only if I skipped lunch and left work at 6:30pm). I briefly flirted with the idea of asking Dan if I could make the arrangements to do this play (should I get the part), but it's been so long since I've been onstage that I'd most likely blow the audition anyway. Plus, I've gained a bit of weight over the past two years, and though Walker and Ned aren't the attractive guys in the show (Pip and Theo are meant to be very attractive), I feel a little self-conscious about the way I'd look onstage. What I plan on doing is asking Nancy (the director of the show and also my sort-of-aunt) and LeighAnn (the producer of the show and also sort-of-my-cousin) if there's a role I could play in production, beyond refreshments and parking cars. I may be able to do sound cues (there aren't many in the show) or light cues (again, not too many), or fill in on props. Something to get me back into the swing of the theater. Writing alone here at home is fine, but I need to be a part of a show again to really inspire me. I don't know if all the positions are filled for this show, but I'll find out. It might be a new start at something I love. I'm also considering creating a web-based database for the image project I have assigned myself at work. I'd like to use mySQL, but I don't know a thing about it. If anyone has good resources about this product, let me know, because I could fold it into the website, and probably would make a great "extra credit" point in my review next year. I could set the whole thing up in Access, but I'd really rather not, because Access really sucks. I've just started playing around with Breeze, which makes Flash animations out of PowerPoint documents (among other things). For training purposes, I'm thinking of doing a stop-motion-style mini-movie using only PowerPoint animations and sound clips, then converting them to Flash. A low-tech workaround to create something in Flash, which I still want to learn, but don't have the time to learn properly. By the end of the year, I hope to have at least a good working knowledge of mySQL, Dreamweaver, and Flash, as well as a good amount of proficiency in the higher functions of Excel. (I'm good at math, but I need someone to teach me the best way of approaching formulas.) Well, I'm fading, so it's off to bed for me. Trooper is lying at my feet, sleeping soundly. You'd hardly know he's sick, he's been so energetic and happy these past couple of days. Time to wake him up, just to say goodnight.