Heard on the radio's all-80's request show tonight while driving home from work:
DJ
Hey! You're on Mix 98.5! What can I play for you?
WOMAN
Yeah, I'd like to hear "Camelia"?
DJ
"Camelia"?
WOMAN
Yeah, "Camelia," by George Boy.
DJ
Boy George.
WOMAN
George Boy, yeah.
DJ
"Karma Chameleon"? By Culture Club?
WOMAN
...
DJ
(Sings)
"Karma karma karma chameleon..."
WOMAN
Yeah, Come-uh....come-uh.....come--
DJ
Okay, great!
(Song begins)
A conversation between Terry and me at work
TERRY
(Answers phone)
Design, this is Terry.
(Pause)
Sure, just a minute.
(Puts phone on hold)
TERRY
(To Me)
Crap.
ME
What?
TERRY
It's Peter Rotweiller.
ME
Crap. That means a million-page document with no instructions and horrible formatting, of course.
TERRY
If we're lucky.
ME
You could just disconnect him.
TERRY
Then we could shut off the lights, turn off our computers, and run away as fast as possible.
ME
Nobody home!
TERRY
If only. This is all your fault. It was quiet all week until you showed up.
ME
Hey, at least Amanda Pinkerton hasn't shown up with a request for 75 350-page binders that she'll "assemble herself."
TERRY
She has identity problems. "myself" means "whatever lackey is closest by."
ME
And that lackey is always me.
TERRY
And you always screw it up.
ME
Something about her makes me mess everything up. I'm usually quite competent, but when Amanda wants one color copy, the copier jams, I print the wrong thing, and manage to spill liquid into my laptop.
TERRY
She has a psychic spell on you.
ME
Peter has been on hold for, like, five minutes now.
TERRY
And?
ME
Nothing. Just saying.
TERRY
(Picks up phone)
Hi Peter...
(Phone rings)
ME
Design, this is Patrick.
(Pause)
Hi Amanda. What can I do for you?
An electronic conversation between Laurie and me
Laurie: Brad and Jennifer broke up. What is she, fucking INSANE?
Patrick: Maybe it was his idea.
Laurie: What is he, fucking INSANE?
Patrick: At first, I thought you said "Ben and Jennifer."
Laurie: Well, if it's a Jennifer, Ben will have some of that.
Patrick Maybe he'll switch Jennifers again. Apparently, they're interchangeable.
Laurie: It says in the article that they met on a blind date. A blind date? What, did they never see at least a picture of each other before they met?
Patrick: Jennifer: "His name is Brad Pitt? PITT?! Sounds skanky to me. I couldn't become Mrs. PITT!
Laurie: "What kind of a pansy name is Brad, anyway?"
Patrick: "She's on a show called 'Friends'? Sounds lame. I don't think I've ever heard of that one."
Laurie: "Jennifer Aniston is the one from 'Leprechaun'. Pitiful, dude. You never set me up with anyone good."
Patrick: "I don't know, man. I think I'd rather SHOWER than go out with a girl like that."
Laurie: When will you be done with your half of the document?
Patrick: Oh, it's done. It's been done for awhile.
Laurie: Mine too. We're too easily distracted.
Patrick: The doc's on the P drive called 4Laurie.ppt
Laurie:Thanks.
Patrick: Hey, did I tell you that Saundra is looking for "Lost" slash fan fiction for me?
Laurie: Who and who?
Patrick: Sawyer and Boone.
Laurie: Oh. I'd rather see Sawyer and Sayid.
Patrick: I guess that's the most popular combination, from what she told me.
Laurie: Are you actually going to READ this stuff?
Patrick: I don't know. Fan fiction sort of squicks me out.
Laurie: I would never read fan fic. I just can't handle it.
Patrick: I asked her if she'd find some Dean Jeter / A-Rod slash fiction for you. She said it's taboo to write it about real people, but it's out there in the underground.
Laurie: Tell me if she finds anything.
Patrick: Funny how your standards change when it comes to baseball.
Laurie: Jeter and A-Rod were meant to be together, man.
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Patrick's Daily Journal
