January 4, 2005 Multiple-item Basement Rule The Cleary Brothers' Multiple-item Basement Rule: If somebody needs more than one item in the basement, it will always be necessary to make more than one trip. It does not matter if the items are large or small, living or inanimate, your request for multiple items from the basement will always be fulfilled in multiple trips. For example, if you were to ask one of the Cleary brothers to bring in the dog and get a loaf of bread out of the freezer, you will either end up with a loaf of bread or a dog, but not both. There's some sort of short-term memory loss field that extends just beyond the middle of the basement stairs. It does not matter if you shout your request down the stairway as one of the Cleary brothers is in the basement. It does not matter if you make a list. We are physically incapable of acquiring more than one item from the basement at any time. In the same vein, it's also impossible for me to record something with a VCR, unless I happen to be watching whatever I'm recording, then I can usually manage to hit the "record" button on the remote. I even know how to program the VCR. It's quite simple. But I always miss a crucial step. Mom has asked me four times to record The West Wing for her while she has been out. Three of those times, I: Forgot to shut off the VCR Forgot to change the station Forgot to change the station again, but remembered and called Sean to run over and change it for me. He did so, but turned on the VCR, thus shutting off the timer recording function. It would bother me more if, on the fourth time, I hadn't remembered everything and recorded it perfectly, only to have Mom come home in the middle of the show, realize that it was on, and press "mute," so she could read while not being distracted by the TV. With the way our entertainment center is set up, if you mute the TV while it's recording, the tape will be rendered mute, as well. So the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I guess. Tonight, I installed a VCR/DVD dual recorder that Mom got for Christmas from my cousin Dana. I told Mom that this would be the solution to any number of problems, especially if she wanted to tape something and not have me screw it up. I moved the old VCR to the den, where it can sit, programmed perfectly, out of the clutches of my deprogramming hands. I also mentioned that we would be able to watch one show while recording another (we haven't made the commitment to TiVo, though I desperately want it), since the current cable box doesn't allow us to do that. In fact, I wanted to tape the new NBC sitcom Committed while we watched The Amazing Race. So I scrambled around before dinner, moving television equipment, bringing my cable-ready tv up from the basement so as to make it easier to record directly from the station the tv is on. I was going to program the timer, but I had dinner just as I was about to set it, so I thought, "I'll just run into the den at 9:30 and hit "record," and I'll be all set! At 9:45, fully enveloped in watching Gus and Hera make yet another blunder on a detour, I sat up in my chair and said, "Shit!" Of course, I'd forgotten to hit "record" on the other VCR. I really really need TiVo. I could just set everything up to record automatically for the whole season, and watch shows over the summer. Today was fairly uneventful, though I did feel a bit shady. I went to the post office to get a money order for something I'm buying online, and to rent a PO box. After I left, new key in-hand, I figured the guy at the post office must be thinking that I'm expecting to buy porn, anonymously. I have nothing against porn, but if I was going to buy it, I'd just order it directly, without bothering to go through the hassle of making myself as anonymous as possible. But still, I felt suspicious. Luckily, my eye doctor's office is directly across the street, and since it's been over a year since I got new "disposable" contacts, I figured I'd make an appointment. I walked in and set things up with the secretary when Al, my optometrist, came into the reception area. He said hi and asked me how I was doing, and asked after my brother Sean (who hasn't been to the eye doctor for a longer time than I have), and then asked, "have you written any new plays lately?" I told him I had, because going over the past year about my chemically-induced writer's block would be too much for a casual conversation, and besides, I'm sure that I've written something since I last saw him. I used to date Al's brother Tom when I was a freshman in college and he was a senior in high school (I started college at 17, and he finished high school at 18, so it wasn't like I was robbing the cradle). Al bears an uncanny resemblance to Tom, so it's always distracting to talk to him at first. I sort of feel like I'm a college freshman again, and want to jump his bones right there at the eyeglass counter. The feeling passes, though, when he starts talking about his wife and kids. I briefly considered asking if Tom was seeing anybody lately, since I know he likes Duran Duran, but I figured that would be cheating on the dare. By the way, my niece Stephanie was born after Duran Duran's album Arena was released. She's now about to start working for my company (well, I'm 95% sure of that). Makes an uncle feel old, it does. After those errands were run, it was time to see Jane, my therapist. I had nothing but good news to report...how the holidays were good, how I was thinking of buying Sean's house, how my usual post-Christmas depression didn't materialize this year... It was a pretty short session, at the end of which, Jane said that she thinks I'm ready to start seeing her on a bi-weekly basis, rather than weekly, as I've been doing since I started seeing her. I was wondering if I should ask about that, but I figured it might be some stage of therapy, where you think you need to stop so many sessions, but you really are on the verge of some kind of breakdown. However, my assumptions seem to be correct. I really am feeling pretty good right now, and shelling out 45 dollars per week just to say that I'm making progress every day is wasting money and time. Another reason why I really do trust Jane. She could probably make a mint off people by continuing to see them long after they've worked out their issues, but she's all for re-integrating them into the non-therapeutic world. I guess any decent therapist would do the same, but I haven't dealt with any decent therapists since I started on this journey. It made me feel really good to have achieved this step. Of course, I may need extra sessions just to figure out how to expand my short-term memory.