February 25, 2005 Not My Emergency Today's entry brought to you by the old adage: "Your lack of planning is not my emergency." No specifics here, just some general guidelines to follow when dealing with other people in your company: If you schedule something to be returned to you at 11pm, you have every right to call back and request that it be done sooner, but not to say you need it "in five minutes" because you have to catch a plane. People won't believe that you just made last-minute plane reservations with only 5 minutes to spare. Besides, wherever you land, you'll probably be able to get to your e-mail, and you can get your request then. Telling someone that you're going to submit 25 pages and then actually sending 150 pages, three hours late, with the same (tight) deadline you had before? That's just not going to happen. Saying, "Well, you can tell [the president of the company] that this isn't the 'proper' way to go about dealing with your department!" Doesn't impress us much. We work with [the president of the company] all the time, and he knows the proper way to go about dealing with the department. "I told [X] that this would come in now," doesn't hold any water if [X] is sitting next to you, mouthing the word "bullshit" very slowly at the phone. The fact that you have plans for this Friday evening that are going to be ruined if the printer doesn't magically work faster doesn't gain much sympathy from people whose shifts regularly end at 11pm on Friday nights. If you call to scream at someone in the department because the department fax "isn't working," you'd better make sure that you haven't spent the past 45 minutes faxing something to the voice line. And when you get through, don't try to cover by saying, "Well, the phone numbers are very similar," when the voice line is (123) 456-7890 and the fax line is (123) 321-5555. Talking very fast, standing way too close, and pointing at the screen like you're playing a teeny version of Whack-a-Mole makes us uncomfortable, but doesn't make us work faster. If you wanted something created in PowerPoint, why did you painstakingly create it in Excel? I mean, a graph or a table, sure. But pictures and text boxes and no data at all? That's just bizarre. Likewise, don't ungroup a chart and then look at us, bemused, when we say that we don't have the data anymore. When you ungroup an object? It loses all its properties and becomes a bunch of shapes. That's it. Just shapes. Step away from the ungroup button. If, when asked what type of binding you need, you say, "I don't care," make sure you're not making the request for someone else. Because he cares. Very much. When asked what the intention of a certain graphic is, saying "I don't know, I didn't create this slide...let me find out," is the proper thing to do. But when you do find out, you need to call back and tell us, because we are no longer allowed to use our telepathic abilities during work hours. Thanks for your consideration! Your friendly support staff. Look! A box! On my desk! At work! What could it be? Taking a peek inside, it seems as though there's some sort of high-tech equipment in it... A laptop! A laptop that isn't my work laptop! So I can keep all my personal files that I work on separate from all the other files! Hooray! I'm so thrilled that the laptop finally arrived. I didn't talk about the drama over the laptop that occured yesterday, because I figured it would work itself out in the end. And it did! Yesterday, I noticed that it had been a long while since the money for my new laptop had been deducted from my debit card, but I hadn't been informed that anything had been delivered to me at the office (which is where I requested it be sent). I called the office, and the guy who signed for the computer said that it was sent from IBM to the guy who gave me the ordering information. Which would be fine, except that the guy who gave me that information quit the day after I ordered! So there was a computer floating around somewhere in the office building. The operations guy told me that it was probably delivered to IT, where most computer stuff without an owner ends up going. This morning, I checked with IT, and sure enough, a computer had come in with no name attached. Or at least, they didn't remember what name was attached to it, because they had thrown away the original outside packaging. The IT guy said, "Do you have a serial number?" I told him no, that the computer was built for me when I ordered it, and he said, "Well, nobody has claimed it so far...I guess it's yours!" Hell, if I knew it was that easy, I just would have said I ordered a computer and picked up the next one that came along! (Note to the Powers that Be: I have proof of purchase. Don't hunt me down.) Anyway, it arrived, and I refrained from opening it almost all day long. When I showed the box to Laurie, she said, "You haven't opened it yet?" I told her that if I opened it then, I wouldn't get a lick of work done all day long. I resisted until around 5pm, just before the IT guys left for the day, and then decided it would be a good idea to turn it on, just to make sure that this was indeed my computer (loaded with MS Office, as I requested.) I went through all the signing-in and registration procedures, and now I have my very own ThinkPad! I know I set up a security device on the wireless at home, but I don't recall what that consisted of, so I'm going to have to go through the steps all over again. That's okay. I have my very own laptop that isn't company property, which I can use for any damned purpose I want! Mostly, I was getting antsy because I have Chris' website to maintain, my personal art website to do, and a lot of writing which I would hate to lose, should there be a mandatory turn-in of all computers at work (not that it's ever happened, but you never know). I don't intend on ever taking my personal laptop into work with me. For one, it's exactly the same model as my work laptop, so I'd get them mixed up. Also, someone else in the department takes in her personal computer and does her own work on it during company time, which I guess isn't discouraged, but I find a little bit wrong. Besides, I can set everything up so that when I get home to the comfy chair at night, I don't have to unpack all the junk from my backpack. All I'll need to do is boot up and be ready to write! Next on my "tech wish list" is this. Jette suggested it, after having received one as a present. It will be perfect for capturing ideas and saving them on the hard drive, for later reference. Oftentimes, I lose the gist of what I want to write, because something gets "watered down" when I translate from the dialogue in my head to the written word. I tend to over-write things, especially when it comes to comedy. Maybe this will help with the problem. I'm also actively seeking an acting coach (and maybe a voice coach), so that I have some formal training in acting, to better pursue the gigs I'd like to get. Having the voice recorder will help tremendously in that regard. I'll be able to hear what I'm saying, and how it sounds to the world-at-large, as opposed to the way it sounds in my head. I know there's a big difference. I'd like to bridge that gap. Hey, there are only 10 shopping months left until Christmas! I think I'll give Stephanie that as my present idea. I'm sure the 24-hours-a-week she works at the Consulting Company will give her enough cash to spend outrageous amounts of money on her Uncle Pat. I got 3.5 miles in on the treadmill today, and it wasn't even a "cardio" day! I just cranked up the MPH and ran for 35 minutes, since I got into work really early. Sean has once again challenged me to try a triathalon this year. I bagged out last time, because I didn't have a proper bike, but I can borrow one from one of Sean's friends. I've already started running again, and I really feel like I could run forever, as long as I keep the pace right. The swimming is going to be a challenge. We've swum since we were kids, but never long-distance. Last year, during his triathalon, Sean said he nearly lost it halfway through the swimming portion of the race. Of course, his idea of "training" for the swim part was to come to Mom's pool about 5 times and do a few laps. I think he was being a little cocky. Susan (sister-in-law, not cousin) works as a personal trainer at the YMCA in the town next to ours, and she can get a discounted rate for family members. I may ask to get a membership, since they have a really nice pool, and I'd like to try the triathalon this year, instead of it being just a cool dream. (By the way, the new Amazing Race features "the first mother-son team." Their names? Susan and Patrick. We're doomed never to be on reality TV.) It will be a good thing, to have a physical fitness goal that doesn't involve waist size or how big my arms get. I'm sure to lose weight if I'm in training for a triathalon, and if I manage to finish one, it'll be an incredible accomplishment. I'm going to have to find resources on what I need to do to train for this thing. The one Sean went to last year was in August or September, so I have a lot of time to prepare (it's not an Iron-Man triathalon, by the way). If anyone has ever trained for such a thing, please contact me via comments or e-mail. I'd appreciate any support I can get. That's about it for the night. I have an Alfred Steiglitz DVD to watch (borrowed from Laurie). I love Steiglitz's work and his vision for other artists. He's the one who introduced Georgia O'Keefe to the world, and for that fact alone, I'm inclined to be a big fan. I'm no photographer, but digital pictures are free, so in my "darkness" series, I offer up two more (blurry, need to read the manual) pictures taken without a flash: Through Glass. It looks a lot like the picture I took of the underside of Mom's desk, but it's actually the view out of one of the front windows, taken through a piece of stained glass that hangs there. Not a lot to see, but I have a thing for shiny blue objects. Sidelight. One of the glass panels of the front door, lit from the lamppost on the front walk. I like the pattern and the sepia tones of this one, though again I need to work on getting rid of the blurriness (if that's possible with a digital camera using only weak available light). Off to watch a documentary about a real photographer now.