Update: a note from summer's end (25 September 2003) [Plus an update added one day later...]

And another update, now that I - gulp - have a job: Back in the saddle (8 October 2003). And, OMGGM*, another one: Pestergrams (10 October 2003). And, OMG, yet another: Alberia (15 October 2003).

And again! Weekend wrap-up (20 October 2003). We really need to do something about the UI here... And another weekend wrap-up (29 October 2003).

It continues: Colder than Siberia (4 November 2003).

I survived Skeleton School: License to Slide (13 November 2003).

Another weekend, another spree (17 November 2003).

Another weekend, but this time skiing (24 November 2003). I really need to do something about the interface but really, I have NO time to do this kind of thing anymore.

And still yet another weekend (3 December)

Inspired by recent news: Separated at Birth? (You'll need to be a Python fan, apparently.) Also, thanks to a reader, Staplerfahrer Klaus. Update to follow. (15 December)

Apparently I'm famous in Czech. How odd. Also, a short pre-festive/seasonal/holiday update. (19 December)

I will really try to do something about the UI over the holidays. I will.

Okay, so I didn't... the post-festive/seasonal/holiday update. (16 January 2004)

Nor have I yet. (2 February 2004)

And one month later, the best I can come up with is a frozen dick. (5 March 2004)

*Oh My Goodness Gracious Me

Jesus, time flies when you're in a rut (28 May 2003)

Okay, life for the past few months has been, basically, thus: fix bikes/watch Maddy/sleep/fix bikes/watch Maddy/sleep/fix bikes/watch Maddy/sleep/work on house/watch Maddy/sleep/fix bikes/watch Maddy/sleep/etc./etc./etc. A bit repetitive. Annette finished teaching in early May but has, dementedly, thrown herself into gardening with barely a day's rest.

Just when I was finally enjoying doing the bike mechanic thing - though not the continued penury it entailed - an offer I couldn't refuse, wholly unsolicited, landed in my lap. Someone who knew someone who knew me was looking for an author to do a big software manual for an accounting product. Okay, it's not the Great Canadian Novel, but it's half-time work from home for the next nine or ten months, and good money. Like finish the renos AND go skiing next winter money. I've gracefully extricated myself from the bike shop (where I will continue to work one or two days each week because it's fun, it's the only social contact I'll have, and staff discount is not something one gives up lightly) and will begin working on this project in June.

Meanwhile, toil on the house continues apace. The basement should be more or less finished within the month. We need to replace the old five-foot fence because Maddy, despite being only two-point-five, can climb the damn thing. Herself is herself, only more so. Bigger, faster, meaner, stronger. She tells funny stories now. ("So what happened at school?" "Uh, Samantha went poo in the park, the other day, and Kai said 'Gross!'")

And still yet more breaking news! (25 April 2003)

The "Reluctant Calgarian" has run its course. Here are the four pieces, in RealAudio format: suburbs; shopping; driving; job hunting. (Plus the rough scripts, which I pitched unsuccessfully to the "local alternative weekly".) We decided to let it die a quiet, natural death after the Tourist Bureau people, who hand out white cowboy hats to visitors, refused to play ball and humiliate me on the air. But the good news is that we're looking at doing a regular weekly "column" for the morning show. Something really sarcastic I suppose. Details to follow.

My first suggested column was going to be about the tragic traffic accident on Easter Sunday, in which a carload of nuns was flattened by a large truck. (We got stuck behind it on the way out to Banff, as a matter of fact.) Three died on the scene, one a few days later, who will probably become "St. Agnes the Belated" or something. Anyway, I thought this was proof not only of God's existence, but also that He/She/It has a really dark, nasty sense of humour. (My Irish friend says I'm the meanest person she's ever met, but please keep sending those awful stories.) The producer laughed and spiked it.

So otherwise I'm pretty busy working almost full-time as a bike mechanic. It's a decent distraction from my chronically low self-esteem, but sometimes I feel a bit pathetic, and being around bikes all day makes me long to be riding regularly, which sadly is no longer possible. Annette is busy as hell for a few more weeks then it's blessed summer. Maddy is Maddy. I used my staff discount at the shop to buy her a nice shiny red trike, but she still doesn't steer very well. She was exactly 2.5 yesterday!

Working with little 18-year-old freerider punks at the bike shop has its benefits, though. One of them is going to hook me up with someone who does pirate satellite cards, so I'll get Euro bike racing and about 1800 channels of smut. While discussing what sort of depravity I might find we came up with the idea for a "Thai Monkey Porn" channel - titles in unintelligible Thai script, rapid-fire unintelligible Thai commentary over cheesy Asian disco soundtrack, and grainy video of captive monkeys in sleazy costumes, copulating. Possibly also a disturbing image of a German tourist and a mature orangutan with a strap-on...

Later that night I plugged "thai monkey porn" into google and was bemused to discover about 8000 bestiality-theme links, the first of which led to a really disturbing image of a man ejaculating into a cow's nostril. Which is metaphorically Albertan, come to think of it. There was, unfortunately, no straight-up monkey-on-monkey action - a phrase I'm trying to work into daily conversation, I like it that much.

Little City of Dorkwads on the Prairie (2 March 2003)

Feeling a bit negative about my new hometown. Meant to write last month but two sooner-than-expected parental visits, with concomitant intense weeks of basement construction, got in the way. Good news is we finally have a new laptop and DSL connection at home. Herewith, the update. Also, I fixed up the German toilet essay, which really needs to find a home in print somewhere.

Previous updates from Calgary

6 January 2003: The slightly cranky Christmas Letter I just sent to everyone. It's been a shitty fall and I've been a miserable, depressed, loathsome, lethargic sort of person. Fortunately I have a two-year-old to keep me in line.

22 January 2003: A slice-of-life letter back to the folks: A World of Piss and Laundry.

24 January 2003: Two items: Tales from the McJob Search, a recent sorry adventure in the service economy; The long, dark mid-afternoon of the soul, something I started in December but only managed to finish up today.

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