Berlin, 02.02.01
Life has been going around in circles. Either I've been rushing off after work for speedskating, or I've been rushing off work to watch the Six-Day races at the velodrome. Around and around and around. That has essentially been my life of late.
Annette and Madeleine return on Monday. I should be training like crazy while I have the time, but I'm sick again, another cold. The second in four weeks. I'm not quite ready to call it sick building syndrome, but this is the third cold since we moved to the new embassy in early November. It's a bit much. I don't know what I did to deserve this, really. I felt shitty enough to take yesterday off, plus this morning as well (it is eleven o'clock on Friday). I haven't been resting today, though, I've been straightening up a messy apartment, a pre-cleaning lady cleaning. The Putzfrau is coming tomorrow, but I had shit everywhere that needed to be picked up first. It was two hours worth of work, actually. As ever, Annette shall return to a spotless apartment, with fresh flowers. It's only civilized.
Nothing but good news on the baby front. Madeleine is doing well, not causing too much grief, being quite charming even. My father is quite smitten. Though concerned about having to readjust back to baby time, I am looking forward to seeing the little beast once again. Nevertheless I sometimes seem to miss the basic point of parenthood, if this phone exchange is any indication:
Annette: "When you see her again, you'll be amazed at the progress she's made."
Scott: "Progress towards any particular goal?"
Before turning to the recycled email (again) here are a couple of links:
Another Berlin Diary, the sort of thing I should have been writing all along. I felt quite sheepish reading this.
The piece I wrote about the Berlin Six-Day for a cycling news site. (Also worth checking out, these excellent video stills showing a crash in the amateur race.)
Penultimately, something I posted to Slate's discussion board, reading the Breakfast Table dialogue between to women with newborns (a subject I suddenly found I had a professional interest in):
A few thoughts on this discussion, from an international perspective (I'm Canadian but live in Berlin and have live in the US, for what it's worth). I am also the pleased if slightly wary father of a 3 month old daughter. Since parenthood is something we've had to accept and come to terms with, rather than something we set out to do all starry-eyed, I'm hoping I can take a fairly balanced view of matters.
(1) Okay, here's the deal with baby shit. Before having the kid I frequently asked friends to kill me if they caught me talking about diapers or feces or things of that nature. But, sadly, the subject is inescapable. Parents of infants talk about shit not because we find it interesting, or because we love our little ones so much that even their waste products are precious, but because shit rules our lives for a short but intense period of time. Your entire day can be governed by the production, non-production or, horribly, over-production of excrement. It's a constant presence, and will inevitably seep into your conversation. Plus it's occasionally quite funny. But I will happily forget about it as soon that blessed day comes along.
(2) A note to the guy who complained about mothers turning into baby-obsessed drones who ignore their husbands. If that happens, it's because: (a) you're an asshole and she finds the baby more enjoyable company; (b) you married a bore or a simpleton or a bimbo or some species of religious loon, and should have seen it coming; (c) your relationship was seriously defunct to begin with. Despite being the "primary caregiver" thus far, my wife has, oddly enough, not turned into a monomaniacal bore, and not ceased to interest me or those around her. She has no intention of giving up her academic career, and once we're through the first year and she starts a teaching job, I will happily switch to part-time contract work (loathing as I do the full-time office grind) to share the child-rearing more equally.
(3) The transatlantic comparison. I am indescribably glad to be living in Germany. Berlin is a wonderful place to be a parent. There is effective, stroller-friendly public transit so that you don't need a car, plentiful parks, and a culture which accepts that children belong in the heart of the city, so that families need not be ghettoed in some forlorn, soul-destroying, SUV-ridden cul-de-sac nightmare of a suburb. I won't even go into the sort of employment and health care benefits available, or the cheap, abundant, quality child care, it will make North Americans cry. There is less paranoia - six-year-olds ride the subway alone, play unescorted in the streets and parks. There is less polarization - non-parents don't react in horror when a baby appears in a café or bar. Imagine that. There is certainly less anti-breeder virulence. I think folks her just accept reproduction as a relatively normal part of life (despite the very low birth rate) and get on with it, without making such a big fuss either for or against. In short, it's a bit saner here.
That's probably enough for now.
Finally, on to the emails... All messages to Annette, unless otherwise indicated.
22.01.01
the mole with poo on his headmy mother is odd... [the following exchange refers to that excellent children's book about the mole who is shat upon]
Mom > You know we hate moles. It's an unlikely animal for children's stories. They have left our yard untouched this winter but are very active on some properties.
Me > Frankly I thought the shit on the head was the unlikely part, but not having a lawn, I obviously don't share your prejudice against the burrowing beasts.
23.01.01
houseful of bikes!
Oh, it's your worst nightmare, a living room full of track bikes, rollers, spare wheels, cycling clothes everywhere. I took a picture.
Collected the guys from the airport today, took a van-taxi back home and got them set up. Their flight was an hour late but otherwise no mishaps. They all seem to be very nice. Kris, the manager dude from the national team, actually speaks pretty good German, albeit with a really stupid Swiss accent, after seven winters racing cyclo-cross in die Schweiz. (Lives in Ottawa, which, who knows, might eventually be useful.) Anyway, they seem to be fun to hang around with and I'll have some kind of accreditation so I can just come and go as I please at the track. They'll want me there every day for about 90 minutes for the amateur race, which I can manage. I'll see if I can swing half a dozen tickets for Monday so that I can bring friends, and I'll probably stay to the bitter end on Tuesday, the final night. Among other things it's the last Six of the season so there might be a good party afterwards.
Now the tricky part is figuring out how to fit in some skating...
Just before I left they set up the rollers and started riding for an hour or so. I put the nasty carpet down to preserve the floors and muffle the vibration, which seemed to work. I went downstairs and banged on the neighbour's door to apologize and explain what the noise was and see if it was okay. He was completely baked. "Movement ist okay" he said through a fog of weed-smoke. I figure the drumming sound will just add to his buzz. Very funny. I guess we can pretty much make as much noise as we want...
And now I'm back in the office and should probably get back to work.
Busy, busy, busy.
23.01.01
more random stufftotally forgot to mention this yesterday - I was listening to Radio Eins last night and they were talking to a pop music historian (I assume - didn't hear the beginning of the program) who has discovered weird German language versions of Motown songs, recorded by the original artists for the German market, sometimes just German choruses, sometimes the whole song. it was fucking weird hearing Smokey Robinson sing "wie schön das ist" (statt "how sweet it is") and stuff like that. very, very odd.
23.01.01
this is very funnyBad news all round on the cycling front these days. Texas is proposing a law that cyclists not ride in groups larger than three, always single file, and with a big "slow moving vehicle" triangle hanging off the ass (I'm dead serious).
Then Montana is debating a bill that would make cyclists ride against traffic flow, on theory that it's safer (research shows it's not, and you don't have to be a genius to figure out why). Anyway, from the outraged discussion of this on the bike racing newsgroup comes a picture of the Montana state legislator who sponsored the bill:
Feast your eyes and enjoy.
25.01.01
Re: houseful of bikes>> I do not claim to understand why so many go blammo, and I don't want to be associated with them even by association. I'm talking about moving from a tiny curve to flat [stomach], not from obese to thin. Not that I'm overly sensitive or anything.
Not at all. I think you're quite skinny, and that little tummy is sexy, just like Madonna in "Lucky Star"...
I, on the other hand, am feeling fat this morning. My freshly-washed black jeans (33s - the real test) are uncomfortably snug. I ate too much yesterday and feel bloated. Most of the flab came off with all the training but yesterday, for some reason, I gorged. Big breakfast, huge plate of tortellini in the canteen at lunch, which I probably should not have finished because it made me sleepy all afternoon, then tons of leftover pasta for dinner followed by the eggplant & salad plate at Em because I hadn't had any veggies. But it was too much, and I woke twice in the night with heartburn and evil, evil farts (that would be the eggplant).
>> I'm at your parents' now. Your Dad is bouncing the little mad one on the ball. She hasn't slept well today. In a serious storage state, I believe. But she has been her usual charming self.
By now I'm sure the small being has voided, and all is calm. Hope the whole family was gathered round when she went.
25.01.01
hello, I'm tiredOne down, five to go. I went up to the race to help the guys but didn't stay for the pro race, went for dinner instead then came home, very droopy. I have a "betreuer" pass, which gets me into the rider area and will let me hang out for the whole thing. No free tickets for the riders though, so friends will have to pay if they want to come on Monday. Too bad.
So after feeding the cat I should have rushed around tidying up the apartment and putting my clothes away and getting things organized for the morning and fixing the flat tire on my mountainbike, but I didn't I was too pooped/lazy. I'm just going to go to bed in a few minutes (it's 10:30) and get up at 6:30 and do it all then. At least I didn't stuff myself again today, just had a sandwich for lunch and a salad for dinner. Feels better. Tomorrow or Saturday I need to do a proper workout though. Maybe I'll skate ice Saturday morning before setting off on my Day of Errands (groceries, back to Conrad, the bike shop, etc. etc.) before hitting the track at four or so.
Being at the track again is cool.
The guys are staying in some "sport hotel" in the Sport Forum complex, near the ice oval. Could be a very scary old DDR dormitory. The restaurant options up there are a bit limited so they will probably come down on the tram every morning to make a big mess o' pasta in our kitchen (they clean up after themselves) then flake out, watch TV, keep the cat company. Sounds fine to me. The riders won't be doing any big excursions but I've told them that with the right tram they are fifteen minutes away from Hackescher Markt, so it's at least worth going in for coffee, better than sitting around up in Hohenschönhausen.
Anyway, that's all.
26.01.01
Re: hello, I'm tiredYour morning message is now a mid-afternoon message. I was busy today with meetings, talking to the assembled consuls-general about web things and whatnot. Two of them had served in Canada at various points, and one successfully picked my voice as "west coast Canadian". Perhaps we're not as unidentifiable as we'd thought, but then I guess you never hear your own accent. He's also a retired racer and avid "hobbyfahrer" down in Stuttgart, so we talked bikes and six-days for most of lunch.
A series of unconnected and poorly transitioned paragraphs...
Funny term heard at work: as you may know, the British Council is closing many of its offices in Western Europe. The Goethe Institut and Institut Francais are doing much the same thing. Some journalist coined the term "cultural disarmament". Quite funny, really.
I just spent 1100 marks on 200 inline skate wheels. Fortunately they're not all for me. The one decent internet supplier in Germany had a great deal on "blems" - wheels with a cosmetic blemish (smeared printing on the side) that are discounted as seconds - for 55 marks per set of 10, down from 70 or 80. I wanted to split an order with someone to save the shipping cost, so I sent round an email. Turns out quite a few other people wanted in on the deal. It's not a problem as long as they all pay me back; I am keeping very careful records.
The woman who did the Hängetitten show was named to Tip's list of 100 Peinlichsten Berliners, which means there was a small reproduction of the poster in the Tip, which I tore out to save for Dad, who I think found that the most memorable sight (apart from you, possibly) during his time in Berlin. Then today I saw another poster - they've extended the show. Which means, of course, that the poster now says "Hängetitten Verlängert". Ewwwww.
Hideous self-inflicted cumshot riding in to work this morning. I felt this tickle in my left nostril so I tried to blow my nose. Nothing at first. Blew again. Little bits of stuff all over my lip and cheek. More tickling. Blew again, this time much harder. A huge, glutinous lugie came out but did not fully detach from my nostril. Instead if flapped and flailed in the air current as I continued to blow, until finally it swung up and affixed itself to my eye. I had to stop the bike to scrape myself clean. Just disgusting. A few minutes later I felt another tickle. This time when I blew it the mucous ball (I wonder if there is a medical name for it, in Latin?) detached properly and landed on the road; it was enormous, probably 6 to 8 cm in length. Remarkable.
And now on to the specific replies...
>> I went to Benny's for lunch. I really enjoy this. I realize how much I miss just going out for coffee etc. Mothers will always try to prevent you doing this if given the chance.
Not if you invite them along! But then that's not really the point of the exercise, is it?
>> Did you get doctors' appointments yet? dentist and orthopaedist? Please do this. I did some reading up on hip dysplasia and she really should get an ultrasound before she is four months old. Assuming she actually has the condition, it can be treated easily up to 6 months. I really don't think she has it anymore, but better safe than sorry.
Hip dysplasia! What is she, a German Shepherd? You need a vet, not a doctor. Seriously, I called the Kinderartzt today and got the number of an orthopaedist in the Ring Center (was this the one you tried - she said she has lots of numbers but this is the one they usually give out first). Then I called the orthopaedist and, predictably, they were closed, but I will try again first thing Monday. Should be able to get you in just after you arrive.
Right, done with the specific replies. I'll be at the track in a couple of hours, standing nervously by. God I hate watching the start of a madison. Especially when I'm pit crew for one of the teams. I get so fucking nervous. Glen & Alex rode pretty well last night, considering they'd flown over two days before and had spent the last month riding rollers and trainers (they live in Ottawa and Quebec City). Despite some opening-night nerves and a couple of exchanges they made the first big split and stayed on the lead lap, then towards the end one of them began to die a bit and they got gapped off after a sprint. They almost saved the lap but were caught with four minutes to go. They stayed out of the crashes, that's the important thing. Probably sitting around 8th out of 18 teams, which is quite respectable given that some of the riders are seriously quick national team level amateurs from around Europe.
There was one good spill, one of the teams actually crashed on their exchange, god knows how. The hit the deck and slid along the apron, stopping literally at my feet. He was okay, but pretty stunned at first, and I helped him slowly, slowly get to his feet. Ouch. Oh well, that's track racing. For all the nerves I get watching it, I really, really, really wanted to be out there slamming around. It just looks like such fun. Of course it's hard work, too, and after 40 minutes the boys were looking pretty shattered.
So tonight I'll stay a bit later and watch the pros, but not too late. Then tomorrow a full day of errands plus hopefully a morning skate before heading up in the afternoon. Sunday they race early, 9 to 11, so I'll either watch more racing or go out for a long mountainbike ride. Depends on the weather. Both Alex and John have agreed to buy tickets for Monday, and Harri might as well, so that will be my "social" night at the Six. Then Tuesday it finishes. Alex flies out the next day, Kris & Glen a day later. If the weather cooperates I'll see about taking Wednesday afternoon off and we'll take the mountainbikes for a grand tour of the city, including oddities like Oranienstrasse and Treptower Park and maybe the Stasi headquarters.
Looking forward to finally having you back.
26.01.01
home a bit earlier than planned...Hi, I'm home, though it's barely nine. Well, the cat's happy. I was planning to stay for a few hours of the pro race but they very cleverly shut the gate from the staging area to the infield, so those of us with the amateur races had no access to the track. Kris was complaining that the organizers haven't treated the amateurs too well, and I'm beginning to see his point. So tomorrow, if I want to see the pro races I will have to head right into the infield after the guys finish. I figured I was good as long as I stayed in the building, but no, they have this damn gate. Technically our passes are only good until nine but I didn't think they'd lock us out at eight-thirty. Two down, four to go. I'll just have to be careful not to get myself locked out on Monday, when Alex and various others come along.
The lads didn't have too good a day. Alex crashed on an exchange, right in front of us. Did a big tumbling cartwheel and landed on his feet! He was banged up but okay. I think they lost two laps in tonight's main race, a one-hour madison, but that's not too bad given the quality of the field (some serious amateurs) and the speeds they are capable of running at. The guy I know from the little bike shop near Thomas's, who used to races Sixes as a pro, was there with his son, riding his first Madison as a junior. Third generation Madison rider, actually. I watched a bit - the poor kid didn't do too well, his partner kept riding through the exchanges, but you've got to start somewhere.
New slang invented at the track: "Vitamin B injection" - eating a Bratwurst.
Okay, time to eat and cuddle cat. Bye.
28.01.01
stuffI should be leaving for the track, but it's 8:30 on Sunday morning - this is a bit too much like going to work, I'm procrastinating. I don't ever really need to be there for any specific reason, Kris can handle it, so it's not a problem if I'm late. Yesterday I filmed the first race for him, that was at least useful, though somehow I managed to miss all their blown exchanges (half the point of the filming) and the point sprint they won (the other half.)
Last night I came home from the track at midnight. Jesus what a scene. The crowd was huge, drunk, and way into it. Much different from the Sunday/Monday I did last year. More Stimmung than you can shake a stick at. Can't say I totally enjoyed that aspect of it, as I wasn't dressed up in my Saturday night best (leather pants, basically) and psyched for an expensive, beery night on the town. Mostly I was tired but really wanted to see the pros racing behind the big motors.
The boys rode well yesterday, much better than before. After six weeks of X-country skiing and riding the trainers, they needed a few days to get the track back in their legs. Alex wasn't blowing and leaving big gaps, they were technically sharper. With three laps to go in the main 50 minute Madison, Glen attacked, held a gap, and threw Alex in to win the final sprint. Since that was double points it put them in 6th (of 18 teams) for that race. The placing should have been lower because the scorer didn't see them lose a lap early and had them with the main bunch, but we won't tell.
Today I'll stay for a bit of the pro racing but I should probably get out for a spin. There's a mountainbike ride scheduled for 1400 but if it continues to rain, which it might, then I will probably just take the winter bike out and put in three hours on the road. Or I'll enjoy my retirement and stay at the track...
28.01.01
adventure bikingHow was your run? It took some doing but I dragged myself out on the bike for a couple of hours this afternoon; in the end, despite the wind and rain and flat front tire (slow leak, I made it home after several pumping stops) and poor navigation, it was strangely enjoyable. I obviously needed the exercise, and feel much better now than if I'd spent the afternoon snoozing, which was my first choice.
The lads are here. They came down after the morning session to have brunch at Em then veg while I was riding. We'll start the pasta feast soon. I'm hungrier than they are, as I didn't do the brunch but went riding instead. Vita finds it very odd having four men around. It's not what she's used to. She hangs out on the couch with whoever's watching TV, and is nice and all that, but has this totally wary look that she doesn't normally have around our mostly female guests.
01.02.01
sick dayI'm home this morning. That tickle turned into a roaring throbbing throat o' misery in the middle of the night. Okay, colds are always bad first thing in the morning, and I'll be feeling much better in a few hours, but I figure the best cure right now is sleep, and tons of it, so I'm staying home.
I'll probably stay in bed until noon then duck out for a quick errand or two, while I have the chance.
Thanks for all the pictures. Where did that goofy hairdo come from? She doesn't look huge, thank goodness. For some reason I keep expecting this monster to appear, as though she's doubled in size during the month I've been gone. I don't like giant babies, I guess. Did you carefully choose these, or is she really in that good a mood most of the time?
Oh that's enough for now. I'm going back to bed for a while. Sick four weeks later, fuck that is so not fair. I dismissed it at first but I'm beginning to worry a bit about the embassy building. Everyone is sick again. Okay, moving in at the start of the flu season probably gives you a distorted view of these things, but still.
Anyway, dammit, I had four days to train hard before you came back and now I'll be recovering from sniffles. Shit.
My guests clomped off at seven this morning. They had a good day exploring yesterday, then I got home early enough that we could hang around talking for an hour or so before hitting the sack.
Okay, I'm going back to bed now. Must sleep. The cat will be thrilled.
01.02.01
2:40 and groggyHi again. Sick days are nice. I stayed in bed until one, sleeping mostly, occasionally waking up to roll over and wrap myself around a (generally appreciative) cat. But eventually the caffeine headache got to me so I stumbled downstairs to Cafe Em and spent an hour and a half reading the paper, drinking coffee and stuffing myself on their badly misnamed "kleines fruhstuck" (I know there's an umlaut in "fruhstuck" but I can never remember which "u" so fuck it). There are few things I enjoy more than spending a weekday afternoon in a cafe, escaping from work. It is so pleasant in there. Today was one of those cold, gray afternoons when the candlelight feels especially warm. I remember how nice it was having breakfast the first time, the rainy Saturday when we met the landlords and signed the lease. Made us feel like we were moving to a real neighbourhood.
I never want to leave Berlin. You realize this, don't you?
Anyway, now I should probably take advantage of the fact that I'm work-free on a weekday and go run some errands. I'll take the phone back and see about getting my hair cut. I could go skating tonight but I'm not sure if it's a good idea. I suppose if I bundle up in heaps of warm clothing (and a toque!) and skate easy at Hohenschönhausen I won't make myself any sicker. But I'm definitely not riding down to Wilmersdorf, especially as the weather is not looking too promising at the moment. More light snow, temperatures around freezing.
The place is a bit chaotic after the guests and my not getting home until very late most nights. I will straighten up but it will be very weird not to clean as well. The Peruvian Putzfrau is coming on Saturday afternoon. We have a cleaning lady! How very odd. Paying for cleaning feels pretty weird, doesn't it? I guess it's like paying for sex, you feel guilty the first few times but then you realize how much time and grief it saves you.
Missed you this afternoon. I swear, this feels like the first time I've been home alone for more than a couple of hours, and it's weird.
01.02.01
Re: sick again?>> Damn, sick again. You silly, silly man. You're going to have to learn to dodge these little viruses and germs, otherwise you'll be permanently sick when M. hits school age. Sorry. Shouldn't remind you of these things.
I intend to live in a plastic bubble suit when M. starts kindergarten. No other way. I don't feel too bad right now, but this morning was pretty gross. Horked a big blood-streaked loogie the second I woke up. I think part of the grossness was actually mild hangover and accumulated sleep debt. Once I'd slept some more and then had a coffee I perked up. I don't know if this is something new or the old one from four weeks ago flaring up again - I never really shook off that cough. Weird, and irritating. As with most of my colds I tend to feel shitty first thing in the morning and better through the day. If it's bad again tomorrow I'll take the morning off and sleep until eleven, then go into work to tidy up loose ends. Huge amounts of sleep tends to really help. And litres of orange juice.
I went out this afternoon and dealt with the phone situation. You should return to a modern, fully functional communications network. Then I got my hair cut, bought a few groceries and came home. I wasn't feeling too bad so I decided to ride up to Hohenschönhausen and skate very easily for half an hour. A little Bewegung doesn't hurt. I was well bundled up and kept the pace down. I think it was the right thing to do, since I hadn't been on the ice for a week and didn't want to get too rusty with the marathon coming up. I'll try to skate again either Friday night or Saturday morning, if I feel up to it.
>> I'm glad to hear that you really are missing me. I always worry that you don't. You so enjoy your freedom -- making me feel like I really put a crimp in your style. I hope this is only true temporarily. Can't wait to sit in cafe Em with you again.
Temporary is the key word. It's not so much that I enjoy my freedom - though to an extent I do, of course - but rather that I take advantage of your absence to do more of certain things than I would otherwise be able to, or want to, actually. If you read between the lines a little, over the past few weeks, you'd notice that I wasn't totally ecstatic about the constant, repetitive cycle I was in: work, train, eat, sleep; work, train, eat, sleep. Not much time for reflection. No hanging around just shooting the breeze with my best friend. Trust me, it gets old pretty quickly. If it wasn't temporary, I'd be pretty miserable. But as long as I had the opportunity to pile in a ton of sport-related activity, I figured I should do it. For one thing, I would have missed you too much if I wasn't always rushing off to training or collapsing at home exhausted.
It's quarter to eleven already. Jesus. I'll go to bed at midnight, but first I should rush about tidying up the mess in the kitchen and the clothes scattered everywhere. Then I have to fill out some überweisung forms. Then I should update my sadly neglected web site. I don't mind going to bed that late, I slept past noon today and I don't think I'm going to go to work first thing tomorrow morning, frankly.
Miss you.
