Berlin, 20.05.00 So I haven't updated this site for six weeks, or written a proper entry-type thing for two months. Haven't been in the mood, haven't had the energy, and for the last few days, haven't been able to ftp to spies.com to let the world know that I have not ceased to exist. What's up? I'm alive and strangely busy. It's not completely sorted out yet, but it looks like I'll be working three different part-time jobs this summer: bike mechanic, tour guide, web guy. Working in a bike shop again is hugely fun. I love wrenching, it's great for my German, and I can get bike stuff cheaper. The tour guide gig hasn't started yet, but looks good. (Though it does depend on my figuring out some work permit issues.) And the web guy thing is happening on a casual basis, the odd job here and there for various acquaintances. I have a little arrangement with some Turkish guys around the corner, who run a little computer shop and will probably offer to pay me with a year's supply of kebabs and a half-ton of olives, tax-free. Why am I working so much? I got bored sitting at home all the time. I wasn't writing anything, and one can only train so many hours in a day, so I figured I'd get out and do something. If I want to stay in Berlin for another year, which I do, I'll need to make some money. But I didn't want to start a "real" job this summer. I'm slowly looking for something more lucrative and stable, but am in no hurry. What else? After a ridiculous, aggravating three-month comedy of errors, I finally took delivery of my new bike on Friday. I could write a novel about this, a very uninteresting novel. Let's just say that after numerous delays and fuck-ups and my eventually going to work for the store where I originally ordered the damn thing, I got a much better bike than I originally planned for, at a stupendous price. I am quite pleased. If anyone cares, it's one of these, more or less. What else? We don't exactly know where we'll be living next year. I want to stay in Berlin, but circumstances beyond my control - arrival of offspring in late October - may prevent this. I don't know. At the very least, we may have to move at Christmas. The cat and wife are both doing well. My relationship with the latter has been greatly strained by the whole pregnancy thing. My fault, not hers. I regressed. I now regard the future with massive, ill-concealed dread. Annette is not hugely amused. I don't blame her - she's in a difficult position. But we seem to muddle through, one way or another. We're doing reasonably well. This is probably why I haven't felt like writing much. Depression, zero energy, fear of future embarrassment, who knows? I haven't exactly been the picture of mental health for the last few months. I spent the second half of April lying on the couch doing as little as possible, then slowly began re-engaging with life in early May. I still have days when my energy level sinks so low I can barely move - yesterday, for example - but they are fewer and less severe. I don't know if this is depression, technically, but as it seems to be under control I'm not going to seek out chemical solutions. October will arrive, whether I want it to or not, and then I will either be blissfully happy or will go messily postal. I did at least think up a good name for a daughter: "Violet Antipathy". Would also work as a stage name. Sports-wise, I raced twice in early April. Did okay in the Berlin Half-Marathon (about 20th, okay time) and so-so in the Hamburg Marathon, but then had a sore back and a severe morale crisis so took a few weeks off. I foolishly skipped a couple of races and am now trying to get ready for the next one, a marathon at the end of May. I'm getting my season back on track. Skating and cycling will be my distractions. What else? It really has been a while since I've written - there are more things to catch up on. I survived the Mallorca trip in mid-March. Also spent a few days traveling around northern Germany with the visiting in-laws. The weather was unseasonably warm since Easter but has just recently cooled. So that's about it. I should go to bed. It's almost two o'clock in the morning. I've stayed up waiting for goddamn Eurosport to show the highlights of today's Giro d'Italia stage, but there are obviously some serious discrepancies between the schedule on the website and what is actually broadcast. (Did I fail to mention that Annette bought a satellite dish when I was in Mallorca? We now have Eurosport, the best channel ever.) Annette is away at a conference and doesn't return until Saturday evening. Or I could stay up even later watching bad soft-core porn, dubbed into German with the really fake-sounding moans. Before this, however, I must clean and shop and train and do many other things.